today is my 17th birthday, it doesn't really feel like a birthday anymore. i geuss the older u get the less exciting birthdays are just becuse ur not a hyped up about it. but 21 will be a diffrent story! yayay

well anywho i got a lot of wonderful presents

but bedtime, i think josh got me sick.... ugh

wow, what a beak , its saturday and break is about almost over, i kinda wish it would never end, but only that would occour in a perfect world.  well anyways to update on break, tyler is home, it's cool for him to be home, we didn't get to hang out as much as i thought we were goin gto be able to, but ooh well i understand, he want's to see his friends he hasn't seen in a long time. yada yada yada. he hasn't even got to meet josh. surprisingly enough.  well anywho, he'll be home for x-mas in like 3 weeks, and he'll be home for a month, so im sure they will meet them.  well tuesday night started off kinda boring, sat at josh's house and ate and ate and ate, haha whats new? watched some movies and what not, then i left and he went to his friends house, and well thats where some drama started. dont u just LOVE when unexpected people that barely even know u , have to say things about u to hurt the one person u love most? hmm.... weird.

wellt hat was settled, then lets see wed. stayed home basicallly and worked and ty got in around 9 30. so chilled with him caught up on some good stuff. thursaday was pretty much boring.  lauren, josh, my josh, and i went to see derailed thrus night. it was okay. it was kinda disturbing. i dont handle seeing someone hvae a seizure, because well..... i dont even have to explan. it was all together just kinda disturbing. then last night josh took me to the hill and we ate at charlie gittos which was amazing.  then headed back to his house, and layed around,. i dont feel good at all. i have some sort of a sinus infectinon.  lauren left early fri. morning, to go and see chris. hmm... i can't wait for her to update me on that , it should be interesting. i want her to bring me back some juicy stories. . .

i dont feel like ashley right now, im kinda tired and what not. i think i might go lay down.

OH! a major conflict in my weekend, i was told by josh that im a spoiled brat and i have everything handed to me, and never have to do anything. so that kinda pissed me off, but it's true so i can't deny it, so i decide i don't want people to think of me like that, so to make a long story short i actually went to go get my car carpets cleaned, and i was thinking about what he said, and well i decided to clean them myself. regardless i was standing out in 40 degree weather with my big fur coat, with snot running out of my nose, sneezing everywhere, my whole body was shaking i thought i was going to honestly die, AND  wasted around ten dollars trying to figure out how the shampoo thingy worked, but i actually did it myself, and they actually look half way decent.. i'm even more sick than i was this morning, but it was worth it, i feel better about my selfish ways already.

update more later ~ash

hey guys! i have a lot of blabbing to do, so for the three people who read my xanga here it is. im lost, confused, scared, unhappy, tearful, cluess more then confused, crazy, lacking any sort of self control, and the list goes on. my life is turning to shit right now, not my life and other people in it, well okay maybe one other person in it, but how can you let someone control you in sucha  way, that it is sooo extreamly hard to let them go, that you just don't? that the prob's keep on going and it just never turns out th eway you want it too. i feel horrible. i have been loosing so many friends to this one complete person, who i thought i jnew inside and out, but turns out, their nothing but a complete stranger to me.  I was talking to my mom about the situation, and turns out she thinks that becuase i alwyas want to help people, and im a really caring person when i want to be, that the reason i hurt so much, becuase when i put my heart into something, and get nothing but a negative outcome, it sucks.  It's hard to tell who will  hurt you and who won't guess you just have to try and find out. 

so i just wanted to say im completly  sorry for hurting anyone of my friends along the past couple of months 8 to be exact.  my friends are like one huge support group.  they are like rehab for me, the complete head strong, wonderful advice and people i need to surround myself with.  that would be them. so to all of my friends, much love and support, and the feelings are mutual, in a sence that im here when needed

yay! tomorrow is like friday! yay yay yay! and i think josh is gonna take me to my first blues game! so excited! but i think i still have to work!! ewww that sucks... well the past two days have been pretty lame. considering ht e fact i have been working my ass off.... well not really haha ive like worked a total of 4 hours this week haha! im such a hard worker! god i have been eating and eating and eating.... SO MUCH! i love the fact that im eating but hate the fact that all i eat is JUNK! oh well least im happy!

on a diffrent note, monday night hung with josh then got this amazing idea in my head that he should coook me dinner, becuase whenever he cooks for me its AMAZING!!! so i went to work, then back to his casa to eat some fire food! YuM! then i went home and fell asleep..... oh but first had some more food fruity pebbles to be exact.

then yesterday i wel..... lets see...... oh yeah! i went to school , then went driving around for like 2 hours with kathryn litening to the oldest cd's we could find.... like dance camp 2000! hahahah when brittney spears was HUGE! then went to work, then came home and ate of course and went to bed.

then tonight, well went to josh's made him mad then flt really abd aboyut it so left went to work, and went back to apologize. thought it would be the right thing to do.  and it was. scored some kisses, then went home. well i didntreally make him mad, he just took a joke then wrong way. im guessing, well i know he felt like i put him down, and made it seem like he can't do anything  right, which in fact is wrong. sometimes i get jealous over the fact of how incredably smart the kid is. and how much he can do. so needless to say, i cried and got over i and worked then apologized . well im talking to the most random person right now... its crazy how fate works in weird ways..gotta run!

SoOoO.... things have been going good! don't want to jinx myself, but honestly they have.  Nothing exciting or new has been going on, but i like it that way.  I would rather everything be chill than all crazy, trying to keep up with they craziness, will in fact make you the crazy one.  There some stuff that's changing, i dont know if its for the better or not? only time can tell i guess. Who knowS? For some OdD reason i have been feeling really happy lately! like i think its just cause im begining to try to look on the posotive side of things, im trying to keep my head up and on straight, and trying to realize the posotive outcome of everything.  I love my best friend.  He is truly amazing.  I don't know who else would cook me dinner, and rub my back all in the same night, or all in one hour for that matter.  HE is there for me nooooo matter what.  I love being able to tell him anything and everything.  When you think oif a guy ecspecially your boyfriend, being your best friend. you don't really know how they will react to certain things, but god. hes good!  i love that kid to death.... enough said.

well im so hoping for an awsome weekend. there isn't that much i have planned though, just a lot of partying!!! YEAH! thats about what i look forward to the weekends for, and friends, and my joshua! im counting down the days till tyler comes home! YAYYAYAYAYAY! im so stoaked!!! WHEW i CANNOT wait! he sounds really homesick, the last time i talked to him, he said he was depressed b/c he has gained weight that's a good thing tho. he needed to pack some meat on those bones!

okay think of this.... imagine somehting in your head that a certain person close to you could say that could just in a push of a button, turn your mood fomr wonderful to freaking horrible? got it in your head? okay now in the situation, what do you say? hmm... good analyzation! seriously this one will get you thinking!

that was so random ... i have some studying to do... until next time! PeAcE!